My Health or My Hell

Today is not a special day, but it is for me! So embarrassed to admit that I had just passed my IPPT after eight lessons of remedial training. IPPT was never a difficult task for me these ten years until I failed last year. What I meant here was that to pass is not that difficult but if to score, you may need to be more hardworking which I don't really bothered.

The failing has enlightened me that age is catching up, and weights are going up at the same time too. I better buck up before it's too late! I think it's time to watch my diet and have some discipline on exercising weekly. At the end of the day, your health belongs to you, no one will be responsible to take care for you. Even the riches man in the world would want to buy health, but maybe they can buy to a certain extend.

Remember, 健康是你最大的财富! Cheers for more healthy years.. and wealthy years too!

A tribute to my O2 and ipod

Last week, my friends and I were having fun at a beach party but unfortunately my two good buddies drowned - my dear O2 (darkness2007) and ipod video (cow). I tried to saved them but seems like electrical stuff really can't swim.

Weeks before, i reinstalled my desktop and accidentally deleted 10Gb of my mp3 that i thought will be able to extract from my ipod. Currently ipod or itune can't do that yet, but i found a 3rd party software that can do that - iGadget. The software itself cost US$15, I was thinking maybe I can find a free version on the web. Feeling relieved after figuring out the solution, i started to take my own sweet time to do it. Only God knows that it will be drowned weeks later.

Now, its time to pay for my retributions for taking things for granted. Somethings in life are just so unpredictable, never just assumed that things are there just when you need it. Anything can happens at anytime unexpectedly, but don't get upset when it happens, i believe everything happened for a reason. It may be a blessing in disguised.

After the incident, i search around and I found their long lost son - the walkman phone called "darkness II". Seems like i am not good in naming things. Anyway, thanks for the two buddies that stays with me for the good and bad times. They will always stay as a part of my memories...

Are you what you think you are?

Have you ever think of asking yourself this question? - Are you what you think you are? When you are in a comfort zone, most likely you wouldn't think of this.

I have been in relationship for too long, never alone before, until my last one ended. It was long enough for me to forget when is the last time I breath the air by myself. I am too used to breathing in two. I realized that this is the beginning of being myself again, It had never been so real as myself before. I never really take a close up and understanding myself when I am in two.

Now that I believe that knowing yourself is so important before knowing someone else. I remember once I quoted 'you can lost anything in your life but not yourself'. A person without personality is an empty shell - soulless. I will still lived by the quote until now. Correct me if you think I am wrong.

If you really want to know who you are, you can try drink some alcohol. You will tend to relax yourself after some drinks but not too much. Maybe by then, you will discovered the real you behind all this shadows, realises who you really are and what you really want. Good luck!

My Food

I am a food lover who can travelled a distance just to eat something I craved for. Yesterday, on my way back home after my class, I stopped by a hawker centre for some food. I ordered the famous fried oyster and it came in the best colour, smell and taste.

The olden chinese always say that a good food is make up of the 'colour', 'smell' and 'taste' (色香味俱全). I realised that it may be more then that. It will still need to depend on 'your mood' and 'companion' you are with. It's like drinking beer alone or with good friends or drinking in a bad mood or a happy mood. Seems like same beer but different taste at different time.

If you think eating alone is bad, wait until you eat with someone you dislike. I will rather eat alone.

My good food = colour + smell + taste + mood + companion. Agree?

A pair of life

Basically in Singapore, you may need to be in pair in order to be considered as 'having a life' but I will called it 'a pair of life' instead. Having a space of your own, you will need to be rich enough to afford a private apartment or you will have to be in pair in order to buy a hdb. Sad but true.This is not a place for poor single to stay but what I think is that we should be more independent before we really start a family. Anyway, the government will realise this one day.

Does everything you does has to do it in two? What if you are alone? Does it mean that you will not be given a life? Whatever you does is 'no life'? One of my friend said that 'having a life' is to going to museum with her spouse. Is that really are? Yes, but only apply to her. I do enjoy going museum, but there's much more 'life' out there for me then just that.

Actually, it really depends on individual as everyone are satisfy with different 'life'. Singlehood to someone may seem lifeless because they choose to view it in this way but not to all. I think I will rather called it a 'pair of life' and a 'single life'. Infact, we just need to enjoy life while we can.

Someone once adviced me - treasure what you have now. Didn't I? Did you?

电影"门徒"说"到底空虚恐怖,还是毒品恐怖?"
我说"到底失去自己恐怖,还是失去感情恐怖?"

Meaning vs Process

As the year goes by, I starting to realise that I am losing the meaning. What’s the meaning? The meaning of doing something. Remember the time when we will young, celebrating Chinese New Year is a great things for us. Kids will love to have “Ang Bao”, but now… we are no longer kids… “Ang Bao” became the process of CNY instead. We no longer sees the meaning of it. For reunion dinner, it’s another process that need to be done. Do we really feel like reunion or just a process? Nobody knows better than you.

Normally, we will have a farewell party on the last day for the person who resigned. We will have drinks and talking sessions as if we will never meet again, but maybe we really won’t meet again. How many of you really have the truth feeling of farewell? Where is the meaning? These are just some living examples. Throughout the years, I think that “process” is slowly taking over the “meaning” subconsciously. Maybe it's because that we are now in the digital age, we can use email, sms, msm instead of meeting. Although it may bring friends who stay further nearer, but may just end up bringing the friends who are staying nearer further. If you are not careful, you may be losing the meaning of life.

Happy Lunar New Year! It’s not a process, sincerely from me.

“The meaning of life is to give life meaning” - Ken Hudgins

It's time to say GoodBye again...

I realise that it's not easy to say goodbye to a good friend. At least I am not good at saying it. It's not just like a goodbye hug or a pat on the shoulder. Every words have a certain amount of weight attached to it. Every goodbye you said, changes take place in your life. I really hated to say goodbye, but you just have to...

When you really think about it, people in your life, comes and goes. No one really will stays with you forever, every life move on... people goes in different ways. As we chinese says, the most painful thing in this world is to bid farewell (生离死别). Saying goodbye is like making payment at the shopping centre counter after your shopping. It has finally reached a stop point. The only thing different is that we don't buy things, what we check out is memories.

This month I just happened to check out twice. One moving to a better prospect career as another moved to a better place on earth. Goodbye my dear friend! I will miss you, bon voyage...

Brother Bonding Beer

Last week, I had an interesting drinking session with my 'brothers'. The feeling was really great, it deserved to be written into my blog. These people are not my real brother, they are my good friends or you can call them my drinking kakis. Some are single, some are attached but we still make an effort to meet each other.

Normally we meet for some drinks and sinful food, it can be anywhere any place. One thing good about this brotherhood bonding is that we don't really asked a lot of questions when we arrange for a session. All that matters are drink, that's why we are called "jui guei". If a women was involved, it may be different. Of course it does not applied to all women, I am not trying to be a MCP here. Normally girls will ask a lot of questions before they decide on something - like, who's going, where to go, etc. For guys, we just need some cosy place with food and drinks... or maybe with plasma tv showing soccer and we are done. I think drinking is the bonding we had for years. Can you imagine if we drink coffee instead? Do people drink jug of coffee?

Not all my friends know each other, but drinking pulled us together. So far, all of my drinking friends mix around very well. Either it's because of the alcohol effect or because we are all guys. As long as friends that drink, it will be much easler to pull them together. One of my friend used to drink only one mug of beer for a session, I mean a drinking session. By the time we ended our session, the beer is already warm like coffee. You know, it's very sinful to heat up your beer. By through years, he finally realised this idea - No more keeping fish in the beer (that's what we called when someone doesn't drink his beer for sometime). Why does people choose to drink beer then to coffee? Probably because the more you drink, the more real you will become. No one will be able to act when alcohol take control, it's the real you.

Sometimes, we do stupid things after drinking, but it's fun to experience that because we just won't do it when we are sober. Hello guys, grap one if you haven't start yet. Everyone deserve to enjoy this bonding. Let us cheers for the creation of alcohol! Yam seng!

将进酒
作者：李白

君不见黄河之水天上来，奔流到海不复回？
君不见高堂明镜悲白发，朝如青丝暮成雪？
人生得意须尽欢，莫使金樽空对月。
天生我材必有用，千金散尽还复来。
烹羊宰牛且为乐，会须一饮三百杯。
岑夫子，丹丘生，将进酒，杯莫停。
与君歌一曲，请君为我倾耳听。
钟鼓馔玉不足贵，但愿长醉不愿醒。
古来圣贤皆寂寞，惟有饮者留其名。
陈王昔时宴平乐，斗酒十千恣欢谑。
主人何为言钱少？径须沽取对君酌。
五花马，千金裘，
呼儿将出换美酒，与尔同销万古愁。

Changes in Life

I used to be a person who believes that we should lead our life the way we want it to be. We change things to what we want it to be, we fight for what we want. Everything was so well planned and executed until I met someone who totally changed my perspective to life. Some things in life will not be yours even if you fight till your last breath. I have learn that what’s yours will be yours, it’s a matter of time, and what’s not, will never is, no matter how hard you tried. It seems that I have gained a new vision that can see things that I can't see in the past.

I heard from someone that we are crafted by the people around us - our family, friends, relatives and even strangers that we met once a while. It won’t be surprised that people who make a great change in your life will be a stranger instead of someone close to you. How is it possible that someone could change the whole crafting instantly? This is something that I wouldn't believe before I met one. It's not really a bad idea to meet someone like this. It is nearly impossible to change something that you strongly believe in to something else, but it's still possible.

Changing oneself doesn't mean that you have lost yourself, you just upgraded to another version - A better one, that's why it's called an upgrade. Some people may choose to downgrade themselves after they met this someone. Afterall, we do have a choice, it will depends on what we want to choose. Yes, it's always easier said then done, but if you don't do it, nothing will be done.

I have now learned how to lead a life that happens naturally and the ability to adapt to any kind of changes in life. Remember one thing, nothing will be permanent or forever. All the things we had now will change anytime, we will just have to adjust or leave it in order to move on. Do not take life for granted.

As time goes by, I have started to realise that I do not choose the way I lead my life, but my life choose the way it want me to lead instead.

"And I know what I have to do now.. I gotta keep breathing.. Because tomorrow the sun will rise..Who knows what the tide could bring?" - From the movie "Cast Away"

New Year, New Start, New Challenges

Finally, I thought that I am done with 2006, but not really. When moving into 2007, the first thing in my mind was "what have I done in 2006 and what is going to happen in 2007?". I should be feeling really great for the arrival of new year but I am NOT! What's happening to me? Somewhere or some place is wrong.

In 2006, it wasn't a great year for me but things are picking up at the second half of the year, and it stopped. When I passed the New Year, I have this feeling of lost. Maybe it's because that I know what is going to happen in 2007 - everything is going to stay as it is, not much changes if I just remain as what I am doing now. It’s so predictable! I have this perception that every year has to be better than the one before or has to be different at least. I am not going to waste my 2007, I need a brand new year, a different one, a better one.

I have been struggling for days just thinking of what I wanted to do to improve my 2007. Time does not wait for anyone, while I am struggling, I started to realise that things are changing around me. Nice colleagues at work are leaving for individual reason. Infact, I think that friends are my main drive for work. Not money Not work, why? Doesn’t mean that I don’t like money or work, it’s just that it is the must important factor for me. I never really think of the 'why' part until I feel my drive is gone.

When you think back, we spent most of our working hours just on getting work done. How much time do we talk to colleagues at work, of course I don’t mean by talking about working subject. This may be what most of us missed, 'busy' is always the excuse we used when we were asked. It all depends on your priority. I will prefer to build a strong relationship compare to a strong work. It will be great if we can have both, we may need to balance in some way. I believe at the end of the day, if we happen to change job, the work will stays with the company but relationship move with you. Do you agree?

I hate this world

Sometimes I have this sudden feeling of "I hate this world" when I woke up in the morning. You just don't feel right, all you want is to reboot your whole system and start everything from scratch. Probably it's a stress releases from whatever you had done before. Something you just wish to experience again, so you can do it better. After all, everything seems not as important to you anymore, you just want to get out of this world.

When you cleared your mind and try to think simple, it's just so meaningless in whatever you are doing. Everything's going to end when you die, even if you are someone who is famous, you will be forgotten one day. Is the so call process really so important? I guess it's the best we could have if we compare to sitting there doing nothing while waiting for your death, right?

“You can run from the world, but you can't hide from it..”

Are you what your sign are?

Are you a horoscope person? Although I believe in horoscope, but I am not a supersitious person. I think that a person character is based on it's horoscope, but it does not apply to whether this person is kind or not. Kindness is depending on the way he/she was brought up, the friends they mixed with, the environment, etc.

I believe that in every sign will have good and bad substances. Therefore, through your life experiences, you will absorb the so call "substances" that created the "you" now.

Did you notice that most of the time, the sign with the same element click well with each other? Just simple ask around, and you will realise that they really are, but of course there are still some exception. Sometimes, it also depend on the chinese horoscope and the role you are playing withe the person.

Water: Pisces, Cancer, Scorpio
Earth: Capricorn, Taurus, Virgo
Air: Aquarius, Gemini, Libra
Fire: Aries, Leo, Sagittarius

Although the same sign gets along well, but it doesn't mean that they will make a happy couple. It takes more then 'click' to make a relationship works, I guess 'sign' gave a good head start. Couple with a different sign will have to work even harder to make things work.

URGENT?

Urgent, urgent, urgent! Everything seems to be urgent nowadays in this little city. Are they really urgent? Yes and no, I think most of the time, it had been abused.

The value of 'urgent' had dropped quite a bit. It's like the horn for the car which was originally meant for emergency use, but a lot of the drivers abused it by using unnecessarily.

I remember there's a story of the shepherd who lies about the coming of the wolf and laughed at the kind villagers who came to his rescue. For the third time when the wolf really appeared, no one trusted him anymore and nobody came to help. This story reminds us don't take things for granted. Just imagine that a person always come to you and tell you that the 'something' is 'urgent', sooner or later, you will lost the trust in him and when he really need something which is really urgent, I bet that anyone will ever believe him again. So remember, don't abuse the word 'urgent'.

Urgent by dictionary.com means:

1. compelling or requiring immediate action or attention; imperative; pressing: an urgent matter.
2. insistent or earnest in solicitation; importunate, as a person: an urgent pleader.
3. expressed with insistence, as requests or appeals: an urgent tone of voice.

You and your perception

Recently I have a very interesting lesson on perception and communication, my lecturer gave us this story:

THE CROCODILE RIVER CASE
A lady named Abigail was in love with Gregory. They live beside a river that was full of crocodiles. They lived on the opposite sides of the river, but there was bridge; so they could cross the river and see each other often.

One day, the bridge was blown away with flood. Abigail tried cross the river to see Gregory, but she couldn't. So she requested a river-boat captain Sinbad to take her to the other side of the river. Sinbad told her that he would do so if Abigail go to bed with him. Abigail denied and complained to her friend Ivan; he just listened and did nothing. Being desperate, Abigail agreed to Sinbad's proposal and Sinbad took her to the other side of the river.

After seeing Gregory, Abigail told him about her incident; Gregory immediately left Abigail. Abigail got angry and told her misery to her friend Slug. Slug became so angry that he brutally beat Gregory. Then Abigail laughed at Gregory.

------------------------------------------
We were supposed to write down a list stating from the worst character to least worst. After that, we have to get into groups planned by him. I was 'lucky' enough to fall into group with four girls, so I am like the opposition party there.

Here's my choice and why:
Abigail -> Ivan -> Gregory -> Sinbad -> Slug

Abigail - I really think that she's the roots of all problems. Viewing from my angle, I see her as not sacrificing for love, but her ''desire". She shouldn’t just believe that Sinbad is the only way to cross the river, you can just think of some other ways, maybe build your own boat, etc. She finally 'sacrificed' herself and expecting Gregory will accept her glory sacrifice. After she got rejected, and talk to Slug on how she feels, but end up laughing at Gregory after he was beaten up by Slug. I felt that that's really disgusting character, laughing at the one you called your love? That's not love, she sacrificed just for her needs and desire.

Ivan - my second choice is Ivan because he is the first person Abigail asked for help, but yet he is no doing anything to help. This kind of friend is really disgusting, you should at least helps to think of other ways for her, or maybe tell her it's not worth sleeping with Sinbad. It's the worst friend you will want to have.

Gregory - the story does not mention that this guy loves Abigail, so what’s wrong in rejecting someone that loves you. Should you love anyone who sacrificed to love you? Actually, if they really love each other, he should be the one who should find a way to cross the river instead. He is weak and got beaten up by Slug, so I think he deserve a third place.

Sinbad - this guy is not a friend of Abigail, so as a business point of view, he should get something back in return. It just happen that he ask for something else instead of money, but he fulfilled his promise after he gets what he wants. If you replaced money with sex, it’s just a normal trading. No one forces anyone to do anything, don’t you think so?

Slug – Overall, Slug is a straightforward person with low EQ and emotional. He try to help Abigail by beating Gregory up which does not really helps in the situation. Beating up someone may be bad physically, but I feel that he is not a bad person psychologically.

After all this discussion, we conclude that the arrangement will be like:
Abigail -> Sinbad -> Gregory -> Ivan -> Slug

That’s no way we can really convince each other in the heart, everyone tends to believe that what they think is the best. No one supposed to judge anyone base on their perception towards a certain things. You will be surprise that most of the people are not so diplomatic, I guess it takes a lot of life experiences to reach that stage. It’s ok to believe in yourself, but at least we need to respect others choices too. No one have the right to force anyone to do anything, just get the best possible compromised ways to have the work done and move on..

"It’s such a disappointment when a friend used their perception to judge you and insisted that the ways you see things are wrong."

Single pathetic msn

If you ask me to describe what is msn, I will probably say that msn is a friend that is single. Do you realise that most of the time, your msn contacts that go online are single especially after office hours. Probably only single people have more personal time for msn. It’s so pathetic isn’t it? Some people may think that single people who on their msn everyday are people with no life.

What happen to those who are attached or married? Wouldn't they time for msn? I think msn is just like friends to them, they will only go online when they need it. Some people may disagree with me, but you can’t disagree with the fact. You think it’s sad? I say no, I think it’s only sad when you become single one day with no friends, not even msn.

After discussing about msn, I guess friendster will be even worst. It's seems like it's invented not only for single people but single and desperate people.. hahaha.. what you think? how about blog? From my point of view, it's for lonely soul to express their feeling..

"My spiderman is a dark lonely soul"

Subconscious vs Substitution?

Do you agree that most people will find substitution for things they had lost. If you lost a mobile phone, you will substitute by buying a new one. By doing this, it will probably satisfy your needs.

If you have craving for food before, you will understand what I meant. For example, you are craving for the 'chicken rice' from a XYZ store and it just happen that the store didn't open on the day you craved. You may just decide to take the 'chicken rice' from a different store thinking that it will helps to clear your crave. After eating, you still prefer the 'chicken rice' from a XYZ store. You may think that this substitution has replaced the original crave. On the surface, it may seems like it had, but in actual fact, you still desire for the 'chicken rice' from a XYZ store. Just that the thought is now hiding behind your subconscious. It will keep on hunting you in your sleep till you have taken it. This does not only applies to your craving for food, it also applies to things you do in your daily life.

Substitution can never be replaceable by your crave, but maybe it will helps to postpone the urged. Don't you agree?

Recommended movie:
Open Your Eyes by Carola Angulo (II)
Vanilla Sky by Tom Cruise

无奈

Have you ever been caught in a position where you can never do anythng on a particular situation? For example, you're waiting for a bus for an hour, and no sign of it. When you know that you are going to be late, so you try to get a cab, but no cab, and your mobile phone is flat, and the only choice left is the bus. When the bus reached, you realise that it's already fully packed that it is not possible to even squeeze in another person. I will call this '无奈'. In any way, this example can only be seen as a bad day, because when you think of it, it does not really cause a lot of harm or damage. But if you imagine that similar situation happen when you are rushing to save someone life or something that is really important and it will makes a lot of difference.

In actually fact, this kind of situation only exist to make me appreciate what I have now and consistently reminds me not to take things for granted. Think of the brighter side, it can always be worst!

人生真无奈.. You are not even involve in the birth of yourself.. life is such an irony.. 无奈

Belief and Crave 信念与欲望 (former Believe and desire)

Have you ever think of the life you are leading now? Is it base on your belief [believe]* or crave [desire]*?

Most of us will probably live for the crave [desire] for the 5C (credit card, cash, condo, car and career). Do all these items can really make you happy? For people who don't know what's real happiness are, maybe it will.

Recently I have read a very inspiring and motivating Japanese comic. They mention that there are two kinds of people who have ambition - one is base on their crave (desire), one on their belief [believe]. Actually, the different between crave (desire) and belief (believe) is whether you are the leader or he is. I found that most of the city people live base on their crave (desire). It's so sad if crave (desire) is the one who lead your life.

You may think that you need money to survive but will die if you do not have? We only need the basics to survive, it's the crave (desire) in you that make you think that you need more, don't you think so?

"Some people may think that comics are for kids, but I don't really agree. I think that people who read comics, will have dreams."

*Belief = 信念, Crave = 欲望

Where you want to go?

Imagine, will you take a train without knowing where you want to go? Maybe some people does, but most of them wouldn't. It goes the same for life direction, you will need to know your destination before you decide on type of transport you are taking. Some destinations are short, some are long. As long you have one, you will eventually reach there, it's a matter of time.

Life destination is like a long trip, there may have people you meet on the way may travel with you. Some only passes by your life, some supported you on the way, some left you to go elsewhere, some may rob you, etc. As long as you don't get murdered, the journey continued.

Is it really so difficult to find one?
Just think what makes you happy, and you will know what you want. Probably by then, you will be able to find your direction.

For the lost moon...

Work and Overtime

When we talk about work, average people work from 8am to 5pm or 9am to 6pm, 5 times a week, some 5 and a half. Minus away lunch, it's about 8 hours a day, 40 - 44 hours a week.

If we spent 8 hours on work, 2 hours on traveling, 2 hrs on meal, 8 hours on sleep, we only left with 4 hours for ourself excluding the misc stuff we do daily. It's only enough to watch 2 dvd.

Some people work late to prove their commitment and loyalty for the company. To me, OT is inefficiency. We are in a world of technology, not production, times don't count like usual way. Work smart not hard. Here's the way I look at OT:

1. Inefficiency
2. Overloaded
3. Acting
4. Bad time management

For point 1, if you are not born with it, you have to work for it, or else you will need some luck. For point 2, it's very common in asia, you have to voice out, if no improvement was made, I suggest it's time to go. For point 3, I suggest you go hollywood if you can act well. For point 4, sometimes it's not your fault, someone screw up the timing, treat this as a challenge, I believe at least you can reduce OT if time is manage well.

Finally, think! Why you work so hard for? I guess must be for a 'reason' (family, money, meaning, etc). If you spend all your time on work, do you have time for the 'reason' you are working for.

*unless your reason for work is to spent all the time you have, then I suggest you give me your money, you don't have time to spent. :P